When are you going to blog about it?

So I have been back for a week now and I can not tell you how many times I have heard "I want to hear about your trip! Or when are you going to blog about it?" and I so want to share it, every moment with everyone. What I didn't expect when I got back was how long it would to me to recover and process everything. I have been so jet lagged I have felt like I was in a comma for the last week. So this is my promise, I will start blogging about my trip tomorrow. There will be a lot of posts because this trip was not something you can just write a blanket blog post about. Some of it might be hard to hear about as it was hard to see and experience but some of it will also be funny, because how can you not have hilarious moments when you travel with 9 awesome women? But I promise to share it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Sixth Sense

Do you all remember this movie? If you didn't see it, the sixth sense is a movie about a little boy who sees things most people don't. In this famous scene he whispers "I see dead people." It was a pretty scary movie but most of us do not see these things so it's completely fictional. However, I am lucky enough to live with two people who do, and when they do they wake me up and scare the crap out of me.
Let start at the beginning. Dan is one of the worst sleeper in the world, he constantly sleep talks and sleep walks. Even better than both of these qualities is when he wakes me up in the middle of the night suddenly to tell me "Someone just walked past our bedroom door!" Now this is enough to scare the living daylights out of anyone right?!? At first I was so scared, "WHERE? WHERE?" I would say. Then I got smart and realized that he was talking in his sleep and infact there was no one in our house. I still get awakened from time to time with a frantic husband who claims he just saw someone in our house, and it's awesome (insert scarasm here). But now, I seem to have won the jackpot because not only do I have a crazy husband but he must have passed some of his crazy genes to on our daughter. Tuesday night Stella was sleeping in bed with me when I woke up to her laughing. She was sitting up in bed looking towards our bedroom door. I asked "what are you laughing at?" "Lucy" she said. Well I know for a fact Lucy was downstairs with Dan where they were sleeping on the couch. Then all of a sudden she quickly layed down, put the cover over her head and said "there's someone standing right there!" NOT AGAIN, I thought. I knew it wasn't Dan because I could hear him snoring and Carter still sleeps in a crib so I knew it couldn't have been him either. This time I did get scared so I bravely jumped out of bed and turned on all the lights. There was no one there and when I turned around Stella was out cold sleeping. So if anyone ever wonders why I have a problem sleeping, this might be the answer, because I live with not only 1 but 2 people who see people who aren't there. Don't be jealous, I know I'm lucky.

True Girlfriends

I came across this picture and it just made me smile. It made me think of my girlfriends and how much I love them, how much better they make my life. And I am taking about real friends here, the ones who you can be honest with, who you can tell the truth to no matter how ugly it is. Friends who you know won't judge you if you want to run away from home but who will remind you why you want to stay. I have had many "friends" over the years, great girls who you could have fun times with but these are not the friends I am talking about. I am talking about friends who make your life better just because you know them. When I had Carter I suffered from pretty intense post pardum, not the kind where I thought about harming myself or others but the kind that gives you such horrible anxiety you can hardly breathe. I remember still when it would start to get dark out I felt like I was going to throw up because I knew I would be up all night with my colicy boy. I cried all the time. This was a point in my life where I realized what a true friend is. I remember trying to reach out to a couple of so called "friends" I didnt want to come right out and say how I was feeling but I remember making contact with them HOPING they would want to talk to me, that they would tell me they felt that way once too or just listen and I got nothing from them. But one of my true friends, my very best friend knew, she knew what was going on and she knew what I needed. She would call me several times a day and just listen to me cry, she would listen without judging and say "I know, I know you can't see how it's going to get better but all I can do is promise you it will." The first week I was home after having him there was a day when Dan couldn't be home and without asking me she took off work and told me she was coming to spend the day with me and she didn't want me saying anything about it. That is what real true friends do, they know when you need them and they do whatever they have to do. I am so thankful to have true friends in my life, they make life so much better.

Simple Weekend look

I L.O.V.E fashion. I love putting ideas together. I have seen a lot of blogs where they have a "What I wore" section where they take pictures of themselves if cute outfits. Well being a mommy of 2 I don't exactly have the clothes allowence I dream of. So, instead I came up with this idea of putting outfits together that I dream of having. Hope you like it, and if you all do maybe I will post ideas and outfits more often. :)

Simple Weekend look by fromska featuring cotton t shirts

J Crew cotton t shirt
$64 - jcrew.com

Lauren by Ralph Lauren gold plated jewelry
$48 - bloomingdales.com

MICHAEL Michael Kors sports chronograph watch
$250 - bloomingdales.com

Cages

I just received the book CAGE: The Horror and the Hope from our Senior Pastor and his Amazing wife just two days ago. It took me almost 24 hours just to open it. I knew that what I was about to see and read would again change me forever, even more than I have already been changed. This book is a mixture of photography, poetry, statistics, and personal accounts of what takes place in Kamathipura which is located in Mumbai. Kamathipura, the largest red light district in Asia is referred to as "the Cage." No one enters "the Cage" because of their own will; they are often tricked or forcefully "sold." The average age of entry is 12 but can often times be as young as 7. These minors are held captive in literal cages for 3-5 years until they are "broken." This statement alone makes me want to cry out in anger, you see what they mean by "until they are broken" literally means that they will remain in cages "rooms" where they have to service 10-25 men a day until they break and completely disconnect, they stop fighting, they lose hope, they lose their will and their spirit and they accept that this is now their life. It is then that the madam will allow them to go solicit openly on the streets. The rawness of this book is sickening. I think most of us do not like to think of this other world, the one where these horrible injustices take place. A place where fathers, husbands, brothers, and uncles sell their daughters for a monetary sum to live a life of torture and hell. But this is happening, today, this is happening. I can't help but look at my daughter, so precious and innocent and think of these girls a world away and how polar opposite their lives are. I can't help but be overwhelmed by how blessed we are to have been born into this privileged life. Born into a country where girls and women are treated as gifts. Where fathers treat their daughters like princesses and raise them saying things like "no boy will ever be good enough for you." To say that this breaks my heart is not enough. To say it ignites a fire in my soul is an complete understatement. I will make a difference and I will fight for these girls. I don't know how exactly but with God on my side I know I can make a difference.

Making Room

In preparation for our trip we are all reading the book “Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick. In the book he brings up a point that spoke so clearly to me and what I have been going through. I have been at my job for a little over 2 ½ years. It is a great place and works pretty great for me and my family. In addition to that part time job I started my own direct sales jewelry business with a great company which took off immediately and I saw such great success. I credited God from the beginning for having His hand on that business and blessing it. I never had to look for parties or sales, they just came and I was thankful.

Well within the last month and a half that business has come to a screeching hault and I also found out my part time job will be closing its doors on Sept. 30th. I was pretty devastated. How was I going to find something else that worked out so great? I began searching, grasping at straws for what I might be able to do. One night I was on the computer searching feverishly into the night as everyone else in the house slept when God clearly told me to “stop, settle down, I will take care of you, I always have. Don’t grasp at a straw, that’s not what I want for you.” So I stopped searching and am at peace.

Up until a week ago I was still struggling with how my personal jewelry business had dropped so suddenly and what to do about it. That is when I came across the chapter The Surcharge of Sacrifice in Sun Stand Still. On page 85 Furtick says “God has a personalized calling for your life, so the sacrifices he calls you to make will be specific and unique. All sorts of variables play into this. The things that God will call you to lay down or walk away from will depend a lot on where you’ve come from and where he’s taking you. And only he knows that.” On the next page he says “The thing is, sometimes God has to let your dreams die so that his vision for you can come alive.” And then on page 88 he says “when God removes something from our lives, it’s not because he’s trying to take away something good. It’s because he’s trying to make room for something better.” I feel like this is exactly what God has done in regards to both my part time job and my jewelry business. I truly believe that He is stripping these things away to make room for something great. Again, I feel completely at peace. My eyes have also been opened to the divine timing of losing my job. The two days after my last day of work is my church’s yearly Women’s conference, which means my mind will be free of all the normal thoughts of “who is going to watch the kids this week, what is Dan’s schedule, how is this or that going to work?” I will be able to receive whatever God wants to tell me with an open mind. I will also have the next two weeks, the two weeks leading up to the trip wide open. I will have time to intensely focus, pray, read, fast and have uninterrupted time with my family. I am now looking at this change with excitement of what my next step will be.

Trust and Blessings

I think that this period in my life is the first time that I have actually trusted God completely. Trusting in God has taken on a whole new meaning to me as well. It used to be that there would be a problem, I would pray and ask God to help and then wait. This period in my life is different. I have had so many curve balls thrown my way that there have been points where I didn't know if I could do it. In this journey we have made great financial sacrifices, gotten rid of cars, taken on extra jobs and lost jobs, I have had intense personal and relationship struggles and complete meltdowns. Have you heard when people say "when you've done all you can do just stand"? Well I have been to that point, several times within the last 6 months. I have thrown my hands up and said "Ok God, this is it, you have to do something, there is nothing more I can do but stand in faith and believe you will show up."

I truly believe it is at this point where God performs a miracle. God has shown up and in such a mighty way that I will never be the same. I have been blessed in so many ways, ways that I would have never imagined by people I would have never imagined and that's how God works. He doesn't do what you think He will do, He does something so far from what you thought that it makes you smile from ear to ear at how wonderful and loving He is.

"The fundamental fact of existaence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see" - Hebrews 11:1