Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Back to the beginning

I have been reading the book “Sun Stand Still” and while I was reading today it was talking about how often times we want to hear God yell when he wants us to do something or go somewhere but often times He doesn’t, He will whisper…that’s how it begins.

So I want to go back to the beginning and tell you how my journey that I am currently on began. It began in October of 2010 at the women’s conference for our church. It was an amazing time with amazing speakers, so motivating and uplifting. The speaker was talking about believing, believing that God will do what He promises. It was all very good and moving but none of it hit home how messages normally do. On the second day our senior pastor’s wife, who by the way is one of my favorite people on the face of this earth Ms. Tammy got up to speak about what God had put on her heart. She shared through tearful eyes this amazing story how God had put human trafficking on her heart and how He had put Noel (who I also love insanely much) in place at the perfect time in our church because she in fact has one of the largest hearts for missions, human trafficking and had lived in India. Tammy shared what the trip was going to be, a year from then, she and Noel wanted to take a group of women to go and love on and minister to these young girls and women. She said how it was not a trip for the weak and that you would be interviewed and they would be hand selecting who would go. I sobbed. I also knew there was no way I could go, no way that I would be strong enough. They took a break and there was a sign up sheet where women who were interested in going could write their name down, there was a line a mile long with women just ready to go, I think they would have left that day if they could. I however did not stand in that line, I had no intentions to. I went to the ladies room. When I came back I didn’t even look at that sheet, I told Noel “this is so awesome but there is no way I could ever do that, I am not strong enough.” Noel was sweet and didn’t say much. Now I look back at that day at that announcement and know the reason I went up to her and said that. It was because God had already planted the seed for me to go, He had whispered so quietly because that day I wasn’t ready to hear it, He would continue to work on me for the next 3 months before He would speak loud enough for me to hear, and tell me that I was going to go.

To be continued…..

Sunday, June 19, 2011

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I love my baby daddy

When Dan and I started dating our senior year of high school I could never have imagined that one day he would be the dad of my two kids. I also could have never have imagined what a great dad he would be. I am so thankful to have a husband who will get down on the ground and wrestle with his kids, who will wipe butts and runny noses. Who will dance around the family room and play outside in the snow. Who will watch High School Musical and not complain...although he will make fun of it the whole time. And most of all I am thankful to have a husband who puts God and his family first, who tells me and the kids everyday that he loves us. Happy Father's Day to the best baby daddy in the world!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

My New Obsession...Messy Side Braids

I totally have the personality type where I easily become obsessed with things. And it can be anything, food, clothing, shoes, books, gadgets, you name it. So my newest obsession is messy side braids. I love everything about them. They look so stylish, they keep you cool in the summer by getting your hair back AND anyone can do it. Now personally I wish I had thicker hair or the money to get extentions but since that's not the case I just make due with my baby fine hair. I put lots of product in it and that helps to make it look fuller and form into the braid a little better. So now when you see me sporting my braid you will know why, cause I am totally in love...for now.

Monday, June 13, 2011

My New Journey

Being a wife and mom is one of the greatest gifts in life and although I love my family and am happy being a wife and mom about 6 months ago I found myself in a weird place in life. If you are a wife and/or mom maybe you have found yourself here before. I found myself wondering what my passion was, what my purpose in life is. I was really wrestling with it, although I know my current role is important, sometimes it is not a fulfilling role. Coincidentally (or not really a conscience as it turns out) our pastor spoke a message about "Living the Dream" and how everyone has a dream. During the message I turned to my husband and said "I don't have a dream." Now this was where God stepped in and said "Reallllyy...you don't have a dream, well I will give you one." So began this journey that I am now in the thick of.

God has given me a dream and it is something much larger than myself, it's something that I would have never imagined in a million years that I would be doing. This October I will be traveling to India with 8 other AMAZING women to work with teenage girls and women who have been sold into sex slavery or human trafficking. This trip is so much larger than me and I pray every day that God gives me strength, that He strengthens my heart and my eyes for what I will see. We will be working with these girls to help them create a way to "buy" themselves out of prostitution. This will be a lifelong mission because as soon as we can get one out, they will bring a new girl in.

What amazes me the most in this whole process is how God has spoken so clearly to me, how He has told me and reassured me that I am meant to go on this trip. I always thought that when I would go on a missions trip, IF I would ever go on a missions trip it would have to do with orphans, or little kids. I would have never thought that I would be going to love on such broken women and girls. But God is funny, He doesn't care what you thought, He will stretch you and take you places you never thought.

He has used my 4 year old daughter to speak to me so many times it is starting to get freaky. The first instance was when we were sitting in our living room watching t.v. I had just learned of the trip and hadn't talked about it at all in front of her. Out of nowhere she said "mommy for my birthday I want to wear a red dress" "Ok" I said. "I want to wear a red dress from India." A little out of nowhere I thought, and maybe a sign. Well God heard my doubt so about a week or two later I was putting away a necklace when she said "Momma was that necklace made in India?" "Why would you ask that hunny?" I said. "Because the people in India, they come up to me and they ask me if I want to buy their jewelry." Now if this was not God shouting directly into my face, I don't know what was. I was brought to tears at how God would use my sweet baby to speak to me. There have been other random things like one day we were in the Gap and she wrapped a scarf around her head and said "Mommy look this is my saree." Or another day randomly saying "mommy you know I can speak Indian." And again keep in mind I had barely talked about this trip in front of her at this point.

This trip has already changed me, already rocked me to my core. When God tells you to do something and you step out in faith He changes you. I am a completely different person than I was 6 months ago, I went from not knowing my purpose and not having a specific passion to being so excited I can't sleep at night. I wake up with a joy and is unexplainable. I went from just existing to a women on fire with a mission.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Bounce House

My dad and I took the kids to a place called "Monkey Joes" yesterday. It is one of those inflateable places. Stella LOVES these kinds of places, she just runs around and gets all sweaty. I took her around while my dad watched Carter and the first place she wanted to go in was just your basic bounce house where you just go in and bounce. So in she went, I watched her through the net as she entered and that's when I noticed that she was the only girl in there with 5 boys. These boys were CRAZY, they were literally bouncing off the sides of this thing. Stella just sat there, she didn't even stand up. And then I noticed her face, it is one of those faces that are worth a million dollars. She was looking at these boys like they were clinically insane. Without even standing up and being in there for less thean 30 seconds she crawled right back out. "I do not want to be in there" she told me. I can't blame her, I wouldn't have wanted to be in there either. And that is when I realized why I knew exactly what she was thinking. It's because that face is the same face I give Dan on an almost daily basis. It's the "what is wrong with you face" that all us women know all to well.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Last Day of Preschool

First day of school this year
Last day of school this year

Today marks a big day in our house. Today was Stella's last day of preschool. Next year she will enter into 4K, at the elementary school. It will be 5 days a week but only a couple hours a day. I honestly don't know where the time has gone. I still remember when she had just learned to crawl and when she started talking. She has the same personality as the day she was born, super sweet, smart, strong, and ALWAYS funny. I look forward to watching her grow but like every mom knows moments like these are so bitter sweet. Maybe this is why that Dugger family had 19 kids......

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Drama King

Carter is full of drama, he has been since the day he was born. I think the reason my blog has been lacking for the last year is because I have just simply been so busy with him. He was crazy colicky for the first 7 months of his life, literally just cried from the minute he woke up till the minute he went to bed. He slept in his bouncy seat until he was 5 months old for goodness sakes. He didn't sleep through the night until he was almost 9 months and he has cried EVERY SINGLE DAY since the day he was born. But I love him, with all of my heart, he makes me crazy but I am completely in love. He is the most handsome boy on the face of this planet and he is really stinkin smart. He knows...he knows exactly what he is doing. He knows that he drives me crazy with his wining and his crying and I know that he lays in his crib at night and laughs to himself about it. Fortunately for me he was second born into this family and that first born child of mine is a FORCE to be reckoned with. She does not take one bit of his sass and she will ignore him like a champ. He will stand right in front of her face and cry and scream because he wants what she has and she will look right through him, right past him like he is not even there. It keeps it lively in my house with the two of them, only God knows what then next couple of years are going to bring with my two strong willed children.